stress management

Same Storm, Different Boat

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The following quote has helped strengthen my compassion for people and is a reminder that we all manage stress in different ways. I came across it in early 2020 as stay-at-home orders due to COVID-19 started hitting around the globe.

“We’re in the same storm, but in different boats.” (source unknown)

It has reminded me to meet each person where they are and to listen closely to what people have experienced, knowing their experience may be quite different from my own. Through my work, I’ve heard a lot of stories about grief, transition, loss, fear, isolation, increased job demands. Most of the world has been through a time of chronic stress as well as a time of deep reflection and change. It has taken an enormous emotional toll and affected people’s mental health.

In the past year alone I have led over 100 virtual workshops, courses, and 1:1 coaching helping people work through the changes and uncertainties of the pandemic. My training and work with Mindful Stress Management has sharpened my ability to help others deal with mental health, burnout, anxiety. And it has helped me personally move through the pandemic.

Though stress is a natural part of life, we can change our relationship to stress. It is not going away. As long as we’re alive stress is a companion – helpful at times and overwhelming at times.

So how are you?

How have you moved through these past 15+ months? As we continue to adjust and move forward in new ways, what are you and your organization most concerned about?

Questions to Consider as You Move Forward

  • How has the pandemic impacted your life and work?
  • What is your go-to activity to help deal with stress?
  • Name what you have learned during the pandemic that will stay with you.
  • Consider what your biggest concern is now as we reconstruct our work, workplace, and relationship with work?

Listen to a Podcast Interview with Terre: Tips on Managing Stress

I had the pleasure to be a guest on the ReFocus podcast with Angela Stephens. You can listen and jump to what interests you.

Podcast: Terre Passero Shares Tips on Managing Stress
https://www.refocuswithangela.com/podcast-1/episode/51465c22/47-terre-passero-shares-tips-on-managing-stress

Overview:

2:20: What is mindfulness?
5:50: Changing your relationship with stress
7:00: Acute vs chronic stress
11:30: Breathing tip to calm the nervous system
13:50: Mindful, heartful listening
18:15: Fab 5 – Practices for the brain and body
23:00: What Terre does to deal with her stress
28:00: Going back to the office
35:00: Working with both small and large businesses
38:00: Terre’s journey to founding Mindful Stress Management
44:10: A favorite song to remind us all that we are “Worthy”

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To learn more:

  • YouTube for guided mindfulness practices and talks about stress, the brain, and the body

How to Change Your Relationship to Stress

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Oh, how life has changed in 2020. And today the US is holding elections. In the midst of it all, are you finding ways to take care of yourself? I hope so. We are in it for the long haul. It’s especially important now to prioritize self care for our mental and physical well being. At the same time to recognize that these are challenging times (which we will get through), so go easy on yourself, be kind, do things that bring you calm, joy, energy.

What you do, think about, and pay attention to consistently shapes your brain.

You are not alone.

I’ve worked with hundreds of people in organizations over the last 7 months. When I ask, “How has your life changed?” I hear the following over and over: no division between work and home; online learning for children (AND working full time from home) is horrible; unable to see elderly family members; death in the family; sick family members; fear of losing my job; no alone time; too much alone time; weight gain; can’t sleep; no energy; layoffs; loss of income; fear of losing my home; loneliness; no social life, and then once in awhile someone announces a wedding or a birth.

Of course we’re stressed!

The brain does not like uncertainty. This activates the stress reaction. And there is plenty of uncertainty, fear, grief to keep us in a state of chronic stress: COVID-19, our job, health, the world, the environment, politics, social justice. The body’s stress response is a natural reaction to perceived or real threats.

But remember that we have the capacity to interrupt the stress reaction, to make choices that calm the body and brain, and support our well-being. 

Simple Ways to Interrupt the Stress Reaction

  • take 3 conscious breaths, exhaling slowly
  • recall a pleasant, safe experience or place
  • hum, sing, listen to music
  • take a hot bath
  • reach out to a friend
  • exercise
  • do yoga
  • firmly plant each foot on the ground
  • shake your legs
  • stretch your upper body
  • do a few pushups against a wall
  • aromatherapy
  • spray yourself with fine water mist
  • recognize safety in the moment
  • give yourself a hug

Remember that you can cultivate calm within so you can better take care of yourself and those around you. It’s good for your health!

Steady, easy does it. 

Pause overlooking the Pacific

Self-Assessment

These are 5 Key Behaviors to Support your Mental and Physical Health 
How are you taking care of each one?

Rate yourself from 1 – 5 for each item. 1 = weak, 5 = strong. Total it up, multiply by 2 to get a percentage.

_____ Sleep   
_____ Nutrition  
_____ Exercise / Movement 
_____ Rest / Recharge 
_____ Social Connection 

Identify those you rated 4 and give yourself credit, some appreciation. Keep it up! 🌟 For items you rated 1 or 2, no shame, no blame. Consider what you can do to strengthen those behaviors. For example, if you’re not sleeping well, you can do something relaxing before going to bed – a bath, soothing music, a few deep breaths. Catching up on the news, however, is pretty certain to activate the stress reaction. 

It is up to you.
Small actions add up.
You matter.

Rest and recharge the brain and body with this 5-minute POP practice: Pause, Observe, Proceed. Stepping away from the action for even a brief time can help calm the nervous system, sharpening focus and connection.

4 Steps to Manage Stress

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Stress is not an ailment, nor is it something we can eliminate. Stress is a part of life and actually, without it, we wouldn’t survive. The body’s stress reaction can motivate us, enhance performance, and prepare us to fight, run away, or freeze in the face of potential, perceived, or real danger. The reaction is natural and has evolved over millions of years to protect us.

How we perceive stressful situations can impact how we respond to them. This 4-step process can help you assess and deal with stressors in your life. By identifying the value you place on stressors, you might perceive the stressor differently so it doesn’t feel so overwhelming. And you can identify the stressors you can’t control. Leaving more emphasis on those things you CAN control.

Try this 4-step process to assess stressors in your life:

  1. Identify Stressors: List 3-5 stressors in your life. Examples: finances, my manager, taking care of my elder mother
  2. Assess: For each stressor, identify its value. Why do you do it? Why do you care? How does it fit with your values, goals? In what way does it support your life at this time? If there is no value, you may want to reconsider the situation. Example: I need money to live comfortably and to help my family; I appreciate my job but feel overwhelmed and find it hard to talk with my manager; I love my mother and would do anything for her.
  3. Adjust: Recognize how you feel about the stressor once you explore why you’re doing it, why you care (or not). Identify the stressors that you can control. Spend more time on those. Let those that you can’t control be as they are. Example: I value and need the to work. I need money. I like my job. I don’t want to let go of any of them. I can’t control my income at the moment, but I can control my spending.
  4. Choose next action: Identify one small step that you can take to address one stressor. Don’t try to take it all on at once. That is overwhelming and can set us up for failure from the start. Example: A small step is that I will make a budget and see where my money is going and where I might shave costs. / Re manager: I will talk with a friend/counselor about my manager and strategize how to address it.

busy woman at computer

Remember, how you view a stressor can shift your perspective of that stressor. It doesn’t necessarily change the stressor, but it can change your relationship to it.

Also, identifying and focusing on what you can control puts you more in the driver’s seat, giving you a greater sense of agency. For example, we can’t control world events, but we can choose how much and how often we read or take in news during the day. We can control how we respond to events and how we take care of ourselves in the process.

Stay focused on the things that give you some peace and clarity. consider what you can control. And even if stressful, remember why it’s of value to you and see what happens.

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To learn more:

  • YouTube for guided mindfulness practices and talks about stress, the brain, and the body

Recharging the Brain and Body

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Gallup reported that 63% of employees across 142 countries are disengaged. And the World Health Organization recently identified workplace burnout as an occupational phenomenon caused by workplace stress. The human body, brain, spirit can’t sustain this level of stress.

What you do matters.

We’re at a critical time and can, must, turn this around. It is imperative that business leaders take action to support the engagement, growth, and wellbeing of individuals. And simultaneously, each of us must take action to recharge, to optimize our own wellbeing, health, and engagement.

Writer Annie Dillard said, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”

How are you spending your days? 

Showing up fully, with our heart and mind engaged, contributing the best of what we have—in and out of work—takes conscious effort. And cultivating a practice to recharge the brain and body, for even for a minute a day, can support that effort. Of course, we may need to reassess our work and demands as well.

Just like we charge our phone, and might panic when it’s down to  3%, we need to recharge our brain and body.

victory icon in a white circle

Give yourself time to recharge throughout your day. Schedule it in, even if for 1 minute. There are lots of options. Try one consistently for a week and see how you feel. Try another. Take what works, leave the rest.

Try it! Recharge your Body and Brain

 * Move. Even standing up and stretching your arms up in the air increases oxygen to the brain and body.
* Eat healthy food with awareness. See, taste, smell, appreciate what you’re eating and where it came from. 
* Focus. Focus on what you’re doing when you’re doing it. Consciously turn off distractions (texts, email, news) for a period of time. Try a period of time (5 minutes) and extend from there. 
* Connect. Reach out and say hello to a friend, loved one, colleague. Write them a letter. Go for a walk. 
* Be kind. Give a compliment, let a car go ahead of you, smile at a stranger. Give the benefit of the doubt. 
* Say no. Sometimes clearly and kindly saying no is the best way to say yes to yourself. 
* Take a mindful breath. We breathe roughly 20,000 times/day. Take a minute to feel your breath moving in and out of your body, as it is. Helps to calm the nervous system. 
* Sleep. Remember that sleep reenergizes the body’s cells, clears waste from the brain, and supports learning and memory.

Try POP: Pause, Observe, Proceed

You can build a consistent practice proactively, in advance of overwhelm (when you’re 75% charged) as well as when you feel overwhelmed or depleted (10% charged). 

See Mindful Stress Management for more information, tips, and info about workshops for your organization.

Visit and subscribe to my YouTube channel for guided practices. 

Mindfulness: 3 Common Misconceptions

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What do you think of when you hear the word mindfulness?

Over the past 10 years that I’ve been teaching mindfulness-based stress management, I’ve heard a number of misconceptions about what mindfulness is. These misunderstandings can impair someone’s practice or desire to learn because people think they are “doing it wrong” for one reason or another. (e.g., “Oh, I’ve tried mindfulness but I can’t do it, my mind is too busy.” Exactly! It’s the nature of the mind to think. Thoughts are not an obstacle to mindfulness.) 

Having a realistic understanding of what mindfulness is helps support the practice. 

3 Common Misconceptions of Mindfulness 

Misconception 1: The goal is to empty the mind of thoughts.

That is like asking a bird not to fly. Our minds are meant to think. We have tens of thousands of thoughts a day. Mindfulness helps us cultivate the ability to be aware of our thoughts as they are, not to empty our mind of thoughts. We learn to rest our attention on a primary object of attention (sounds, breath, body sensations, or everyday things like brushing our teeth), noticing thoughts, and guiding our awareness back to the object of attention.

We may start noticing our wandering mind, or our habitual thinking that is not serving us. We can then consider which thoughts we want to feed, and which we want to weed.

Misconception 2: It takes too much time.

group meeting circle

Mindfulness can happen in an instant. Purposely placing our awareness on the moment at hand is a moment of mindfulness. A mindfulness practice can simply be taking a conscious breath (or 2 or 3), feeling our body in a chair at meeting, feeling our feet on the ground as we walk to the water cooler, or bringing our full attention to a conversation. With that awareness, we allow what is there to be there and bring a feeling of curiosity, compassion, kindness.

Practicing mindfulness regularly, while doing everyday activities, or while taking a conscious pause a few times a day can help bring clarity, focus, and more creative problem-solving to deal with life’s everyday demands.

Misconception 3: It’s an end to stress and pain.

busy woman at computer

If we’re alive, we will experience stress and pain to varying degrees, AND we can learn new, beneficial ways to respond. The good news about stress is that the body’s reaction to stress can actually enhance our performance and/or save our life. Chronic stress, however, can impair performance, clarity, and jeopardize our health.

Mindfulness helps us look at how we respond (rather than react) to stress. It helps us learn to notice when stress is arising, so we can take action to intervene as necessary. We can take action when stressed (or preparing for a stressful situation), so we can build stress resilience, endurance, self-regulation.

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To learn more:

  • YouTube for guided mindfulness practices and talks about stress, the brain, and the body

Holiday Stress Busters: 5 Tips

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It’s that time of year again! Autumn and . . . oh no, the holidays! How did they get here again, so quickly?!

This time of year is a mixed bag for me. I love the short days and long, cozy nights, the cool, fresh air, the colorful leaves floating from the trees, the deep blue sky. But then there are the holidays. The hustle and bustle begins to rumble; expectations rise. I’m not a huge fan, I admit. (Please, don’t hold it against me.) But I must contend with them — find the pleasure

I have to be careful to strike a balance between the quiet, contemplative time the season inspires in me and the social, celebratory nature that keeps things noisy and active. Even if you love the holidays, you still need to take care of yourself in the midst of it all. Our routines may change, we may travel, eat differently, see family members or others that we don’t see during the year. This can be both wonderful and sometimes challenging. Expectations are high, yet they may not (usually don’t) match reality.

It can help to pay a little extra attention to signs of stress and get ahead of them or manage them (manage ourselves) so we can stay healthy in mind and spirit. These tips can help.

Five Stress Busters

1. Take time to appreciate what you have; identify what’s working. Name it, take it in with all your senses. Appreciation activates brain regions associated with dopamine, a neurotransmitter that makes us feel good and makes us want more of the thing that made us feel good. So the appreciation loop feeds itself.

2. Take breaks to do what gives you joy and calm. What is it for you? A walk, exercise, singing, resting, breathing, drinking a delicious cup of tea, spending time with a child, a pet, a loved one, getting out in nature? Whatever it is, find a moment to cultivate self-care and to connect with yourself. It will help  you care for and connect with others as well. It’s cliche but true, the line you hear on planes, “put your own oxygen mask on before putting one on a child.” Well-being is a skill — we need to practice it!

3. Practice mindful eating, or a mindful bite. We may find ourselves sharing more meals with more people at this time of year. If overwhelmed, you can find a moment of calm and deep appreciation right at the table. Try taking a bite (or 2 or 3) with mindful awareness. Simply notice what’s on your plate. Is the food from a plant, an animal?  Notice colors, textures, smells, and even sounds. Notice putting food on your fork, lifting it to the mouth, chewing, tasting, and swallowing. And notice, if you’re like most of us, that there will probably be food on its way to the mouth while you’re still chewing! Smile at it all. Be easy on yourself.

4. Smile at someone you usually walk by — a cashier, a delivery person, a neighbor, a flight attendant, or any number of people we may see and even interact with, but don’t really acknowledge. See the humanity in others and share a smile. It matters. It makes both parties feel better. Smiling can reduce stress!

5. Reach out to someone you know who might be having a rough time. Say hello, offer your help, your time, a meal, a walk, a conversation. Listen fully and with an open heart. Sometimes that’s all it takes to help someone feel better, connected, cared for. The best present you can give is your presence! (OK, cliche, but I like it and believe it.)

holiday image with pine

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Mindful  by Mary Oliver

Every day
I see or hear
something
that more or less

kills me
with delight,
that leaves me
like a needle

in the haystack
of light.
It was what I was born for —
to look, to listen,

to lose myself
inside this soft world —
to instruct myself
over and over

in joy,
and acclamation.
Nor am I talking
about the exceptional,

the fearful, the dreadful,
the very extravagant —
but of the ordinary,
the common, the very drab,

the daily presentations.
Oh, good scholar,
I say to myself,
how can you help

but grow wise
with such teachings
as these —
the untrimmable light

of the world,
the ocean’s shine,
the prayers that are made
out of grass?

 _______________________________

BONUS STRESS BUSTER  You made it to the end of the blog! Here is a bonus tip:

Take a break in the bathroom! (What?!) YES! Sometimes at a gathering or party, the only place you can be alone is the bathroom. If are feeling anxious, overwhelmed and just need to gather yourself, an easy exit is to make your way to the bathroom. Nothing unusual there. Then simply feel the breath moving in and out of the body. Take 3 slow cycles of breath. This can kick in the relaxation response and calm anxiety.

 _______________________________

May you find comfort, ease, love, and rest in the midst of the season. Be sure to take good care of yourself,  be gentle with yourself and others, and keep curiosity and gratitude alive!

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To learn more:

  • YouTube for guided mindfulness practices and talks about stress, the brain, and the body