Stress is not an ailment, nor is it something we can eliminate. Stress is a part of life and actually, without it, we wouldn’t survive. The body’s stress reaction can motivate us, enhance performance, and prepare us to fight, run away, or freeze in the face of potential, perceived, or real danger. The reaction is natural and has evolved over millions of years to protect us.
How we perceive stressful situations can impact how we respond to them. This 4-step process can help you assess and deal with stressors in your life. By identifying the value you place on stressors, you might perceive the stressor differently so it doesn’t feel so overwhelming. And you can identify the stressors you can’t control. Leaving more emphasis on those things you CAN control.
Try this 4-step process to assess stressors in your life:
- Identify Stressors: List 3-5 stressors in your life. Examples: finances, my manager, taking care of my elder mother
- Assess: For each stressor, identify its value. Why do you do it? Why do you care? How does it fit with your values, goals? In what way does it support your life at this time? If there is no value, you may want to reconsider the situation. Example: I need money to live comfortably and to help my family; I appreciate my job but feel overwhelmed and find it hard to talk with my manager; I love my mother and would do anything for her.
- Adjust: Recognize how you feel about the stressor once you explore why you’re doing it, why you care (or not). Identify the stressors that you can control. Spend more time on those. Let those that you can’t control be as they are. Example: I value and need the to work. I need money. I like my job. I don’t want to let go of any of them. I can’t control my income at the moment, but I can control my spending.
- Choose next action: Identify one small step that you can take to address one stressor. Don’t try to take it all on at once. That is overwhelming and can set us up for failure from the start. Example: A small step is that I will make a budget and see where my money is going and where I might shave costs. / Re manager: I will talk with a friend/counselor about my manager and strategize how to address it.
Remember, how you view a stressor can shift your perspective of that stressor. It doesn’t necessarily change the stressor, but it can change your relationship to it.
Also, identifying and focusing on what you can control puts you more in the driver’s seat, giving you a greater sense of agency. For example, we can’t control world events, but we can choose how much and how often we read or take in news during the day. We can control how we respond to events and how we take care of ourselves in the process.
Stay focused on the things that give you some peace and clarity. consider what you can control. And even if stressful, remember why it’s of value to you and see what happens.
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To learn more:
- Workshops and 1:1 Coaching for you and your Organization
- Schedule a free 20-minute Chat with Terre Passero, founder of Mindful Stress Management
- YouTube for guided mindfulness practices and talks about stress, the brain, and the body
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