Finding calm amidst irritation, stress, or anger is challenging, but crucial for preventing relationship strain and project disruptions. Emotional regulation is key, enabling us to navigate intense moments skillfully and repair potential damage. In this blog, I introduce the POP Stress Now™ method – Pause, Observe, Proceed – as a quick and effective way to cool down and respond thoughtfully.
The Impact of Overwhelm
When overwhelmed, our cognitive functions (reasoning, concentration, discernment) suffer, making regrettable actions more likely. Whether it’s an outburst or a subtle gesture, these missteps can hinder trust and communication, affecting individuals, groups, and teams. So, before you say something you regret, or send an email you wish you could retrieve, or otherwise do something that hinders connection and trust, practice POP — Pause, Observe, Proceed – and avoid long-term negative consequences.
Mastering Emotional Regulation: A Guide to the POP Stress Now™ Method
This 3-step POP process can take as little as 30 seconds. And you can do it right where you are. It calms the nervous system that is naturally activated when we’re agitated, stressed, overwhelmed.
- PAUSE: Stop, take a moment, and become aware of your breath. Sense the breath moving in and out of the body. Three cycles of breath can help calm the nervous system.
- OBSERVE: Notice thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. Tend to what you notice with curiosity and kindness. Acknowledge and “name it to tame it,” following Dr. Dan Siegel’s advice.
- PROCEED: With a bit more connection, take the next step. It can be anything — responding to someone, working, eating, exercising, prioritizing your to-do list, getting a cup of tea, continuing to sit quietly, or whatever you decide is best for you now.
Try this POP Stress Now Recording!
Versatility of POP
POP isn’t just for heated moments; it’s a valuable tool for pre-meeting preparation, difficult conversations, presentations, or post-upset calming. You can even use it after moments of success or pleasure to fully savor the experience.
Practice a few times a day so it’s a familiar go-to tool. As you get more comfortable with it, you will be able to access it more easily during those inevitable heated moments.
Practical Application: My POP Story
A personal anecdote illustrates the power of the POP method. Feeling excluded from a crucial meeting, I was angry and hurt and on the verge of a confrontation. Through POP, I paused, acknowledged my emotions, and decided to take the classic “sleep on it” tactic. I decided to wait until the next morning to calmly talk with him. When the next morning arrived, however, I’d received his invite with an apology for inadvertently leaving me off the initial invitation. If I’d reacted the day before from my initial response of anger and hurt, the exchange would have been quite different.
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