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Mindfulness: 3 Common Misconceptions

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What do you think of when you hear the word mindfulness?

Over the past 10 years that I’ve been teaching mindfulness-based stress management, I’ve heard a number of misconceptions about what mindfulness is. These misunderstandings can impair someone’s practice or desire to learn because people think they are “doing it wrong” for one reason or another. (e.g., “Oh, I’ve tried mindfulness but I can’t do it, my mind is too busy.” Exactly! It’s the nature of the mind to think. Thoughts are not an obstacle to mindfulness.) 

Having a realistic understanding of what mindfulness is helps support the practice. 

3 Common Misconceptions of Mindfulness 

Misconception 1: The goal is to empty the mind of thoughts.

That is like asking a bird not to fly. Our minds are meant to think. We have tens of thousands of thoughts a day. Mindfulness helps us cultivate the ability to be aware of our thoughts as they are, not to empty our mind of thoughts. We learn to rest our attention on a primary object of attention (sounds, breath, body sensations, or everyday things like brushing our teeth), noticing thoughts, and guiding our awareness back to the object of attention.

We may start noticing our wandering mind, or our habitual thinking that is not serving us. We can then consider which thoughts we want to feed, and which we want to weed.

Misconception 2: It takes too much time.

group meeting circle

Mindfulness can happen in an instant. Purposely placing our awareness on the moment at hand is a moment of mindfulness. A mindfulness practice can simply be taking a conscious breath (or 2 or 3), feeling our body in a chair at meeting, feeling our feet on the ground as we walk to the water cooler, or bringing our full attention to a conversation. With that awareness, we allow what is there to be there and bring a feeling of curiosity, compassion, kindness.

Practicing mindfulness regularly, while doing everyday activities, or while taking a conscious pause a few times a day can help bring clarity, focus, and more creative problem-solving to deal with life’s everyday demands.

Misconception 3: It’s an end to stress and pain.

busy woman at computer

If we’re alive, we will experience stress and pain to varying degrees, AND we can learn new, beneficial ways to respond. The good news about stress is that the body’s reaction to stress can actually enhance our performance and/or save our life. Chronic stress, however, can impair performance, clarity, and jeopardize our health.

Mindfulness helps us look at how we respond (rather than react) to stress. It helps us learn to notice when stress is arising, so we can take action to intervene as necessary. We can take action when stressed (or preparing for a stressful situation), so we can build stress resilience, endurance, self-regulation.

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To learn more:

  • YouTube for guided mindfulness practices and talks about stress, the brain, and the body

Living a Dynamic Life

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A close friend, an exceptional executive coach, recently expressed her desire to lead a more intentional and dynamic life. Intrigued, I asked her to elaborate on what this meant for her. She shared that it involved doing more of the activities she loves. For her, that’s attending live music events, immersing herself in nature, caring for animals, and creating culinary masterpieces.

A week later, on a Friday evening, I unexpectedly found myself at Home Depot, a huge home improvement supply store. Surprisingly content and even excited, I strolled through the nearly empty aisles, surrounded by towering merchandise, with upbeat pop music providing a backdrop throughout the store.

Recalling my friend’s quest for a dynamic life, I playfully pondered, “Is this Home Depot escapade on a Friday night considered dynamic living?” The answer, at that moment, was a resounding “Yes, and it’s this very moment that matters. This very moment is the only one I have.” Immersed in the experience of acquiring shelves to enhance the order and aesthetics of my home, I found appreciation in that moment – I was happy, content. 

Shopping for shelves is not extraordinary, nor is it generally considered fun. However, by allowing myself to pay more attention to the moment at hand, to appreciate elements of the experience, I transformed the ordinary into extraordinary. I appreciated the music, the options in the store, the employees and other shoppers. Gratitude of the simple elements made it extraordinary. 

What does “living a dynamic life” mean to you? 

Harvard research suggests that our happiness is less dependent on the activity itself and more on where our mind is during the activity. The study emphasizes that a focused mind tends to be a happier one and reveals that, on average, we are not fully present about 47% of the time. Bringing our attention to even the simplest, routine activities can amplify happiness and infuse life with dynamism.

“Appreciate again and again, freshly and naively, the basic goods of life, with awe, pleasure, wonder and even ecstasy, however stale these experiences may have become to others.”  Abraham Maslow

Give it a Try!

Consciously direct your awareness to the moment at hand. While brushing your teeth, savor the taste of the toothpaste, feel the water in your mouth, and hear the brush against your teeth. When engaged in conversation with a colleague or loved one, listen wholeheartedly, being mindful of when your thoughts wander – a natural occurrence – and gently guide them back to the conversation. Even in mundane tasks like washing dishes, immerse yourself in the warmth of the water, appreciate the scent of the soap, and listen to the sounds around you. And if you happen to find yourself wandering the aisles of a department store on a Friday night, why not sing along with the Muzak?

May you infuse dynamism into your life through the simple awareness of everyday living!

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To learn more:

  • YouTube for guided mindfulness practices and talks about stress, the brain, and the body

The Power of Breath

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When I was in college, I had the great pleasure of studying in Granada, Spain for a year. I loved the culture, met wonderful people, ate great food, but I took up the dreaded habit of . . . I confess . . . smoking cigarettes. It was short lived, though still difficult to quit. I created a little joke around times I would smoke, saying that I was practicing “conscious breathing.” Inhale, exhale, breathe in, breathe out. Fortunately, I now practice and teach a healthy approach to “conscious breathing.” Inhale, exhale, sans smoke. (If you do smoke, however, you might try noticing the sensation of the breath in the body with each inhalation and exhalation. Let me know what happens.)

Ah, the Breath

Adults breathe about 12-20 times a minute. That’s about 17,000 to 30,000 times a day. The rhythm of our breathing varies considerably depending on our activities, our thoughts, and our feelings. It quickens with physical exercise or emotional upset and it slows down during periods of rest or relaxation. When you inhale, your heart rate speeds up, and as you exhale, your heart rate slows down.

Breathing is an incredibly powerful ally and teacher. Luckily, we don’t have to remind ourselves to breath, but paying more attention to our breath can help us manage or regulate stress and have better health.

We know that stress impacts our physiology, including our breathing pattern, often causing us to hold our breath or take short, shallow breaths. During a stressful or painful time, we may hear, “Breathe!” So the person inhales deeply and holds their breath or exhales only partially. And then back to shallow breaths, consumed by the pain or stress. Shallow breathing is the body’s natural reaction to stressful triggers – whether external (a nasty email) or internal (a self-defeating thought).

But what if you stayed with a conscious inhalation and a conscious exhalation for a few cycles? You can try it now and see what you notice. Go ahead. I’ll wait. 🙂

The Parasympathetic Nervous System — “Rest and Digest”

When we breathe deeply or simply breathe normally, with awareness, we activate the parasympathetic nervous system. The heart rate and blood pressure decrease, digestion increases, respiration decreases, the body calms down, this may even calm the mind (though that is not always the case). Attention on the breath can aid focus, connection, emotional regulation (not flying off the handle, for instance). The parasympathetic system is often called the “rest and digest” part of the nervous system. A deep breath when in a stressful situation or preparing for a challenging situation can help initiate calm and enable better performance.

The sympathetic nervous system, on the other hand, is activated when we’re triggered by a stressful situation. It activates the release of stress hormones (including cortisol and adrenaline) in the body. It’s often referred to as the flight or flight response. This response, too, is critical to our survival, performance, and well-being. Moving between stress activation and relaxation is a normal cycle of the human process. But if we get stuck on stress activation, chronic stress, which many people do, we can take action to calm our nervous system. Using the breath is one such tool — it’s free, always accessible, and requires no additional equipment! 🙂

Conscious Breathing Practice — Let’s Try It!  Watch the video, or read the practice below.

  1. Take a moment to notice that your breath right now, as it is, without altering it. Notice where (if) you feel the movement of the breath in the body. Is it in the nostrils, the chest, the belly, the back? No judgment, just curious observation.
  2. Now, inhale slowly through the nose to the count of 4 (like you’re smelling a flower) and exhale slowly through the mouth to the count of 4 (like blowing out a candle). Do this for 3 cycles of breath. Do you notice movement of the body as a result of breathing?
  3. Now, back to breathing normally.

What did you notice? Did you notice the movement in the body? Any sense of calm? Or anxiety? Sometimes when we first start noticing the breath, guiding our awareness to the body, some anxiety may arise. Be patient, kind with yourself. If you’re breathing, you’re on the right path.

Applying Conscious Breathing to Daily Life

Begin to notice the sensation of the breath in the body at different times in your day. When you sit down at a meeting, talk to a colleague, wake up in the morning, or lay your head on the pillow at night, notice the breath moving in and out of the body. Feel stress? Irritation? Anxiety? Try ‘conscious breathing’.

Beginning to put awareness in the body via the breath is a simple step towards overall well-being. It is a foundational tool that allows us to focus and attend to what we need to with care, calm, enabling optimal performance.

Moving between spending energy and renewing energy can help us live an active, engaged, healthy life!

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To learn more:

3 Benefits of Mindfulness

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After sifting through 6,000 peer-reviewed articles on meditation and identifying 60 key, solid studies, Daniel Goleman, author and science journalist and Richard Davidson, neuroscientist, confirmed three benefits of mindfulness: focus, connection, resilience. They wrote about it in their book: Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes your Mind, Brain, and Body. And Goleman simplified it in a post: “3 Science-Based Benefits of Mindfulness“.

3 Key Benefits of Mindfulness

1. Sharpens focus so you can prioritize and attend to life with attention and clarity.

“Mindfulness strengthens concentration, and every related aspect of attention from keeping your mind on one thing amidst a sea of distractions, to being more present to what’s going on around you.” Daniel Goleman says in his article. The neural circuitry for selective attention of the brain can be trained. The pathways in the brain are reinforced by what we think about. Where our attention goes, energy flows.

2. Strengthens connection to yourself and others, enhancing emotional intelligence.

Goleman goes on to say, “A cousin of mindfulness, lovingkindness meditation, makes you more open to the needs of the people around you, and more likely to help them out. This kind of leadership builds great loyalty, so people will feel they want to do their best for you, and show up even when the pressure and stress are mounting. When I ask executives around the world to name the traits of the boss they have liked the most, kindness always comes up high on the list.”

3. Builds resilience so you can recover more quickly from events that may throw you off balance.

Challenges are a part of life — sometimes exciting and sometimes downright awful. Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from challenges and difficulties. “Mindfulness and other kinds of meditation calm the amygdala, the brain’s trigger for anger, anxiety, and a host of similar disruptive emotions. The more you practice, the less reactive your amygdala becomes. And if you do get hijacked from time to time (and who does not?), you recover more quickly – the very definition of resilience.”

Of course, no amount of reading about mindfulness can replace experiencing it. Like strengthening a muscle, learning to play a musical instrument, or learning any new skill, we have to DO IT to feel the impact.

Try It! 

You can take baby steps to practice mindfulness. Choose one of the  practices below and try it for a week. Be curious, be consistent. Then try another practice for another week. Take what you like. Leave the rest. You can also do guided practices on my YouTube Channel. Go, try, subscribe.

Practice 1. Conscious Breathing:

At least once a day, take 3 conscious breaths – follow the inhalation in and the exhalation out. String three cycles of breath together. Try this at least once a day. You can link it to an everyday behavior, e.g., as you start your day, or lay down at night, or when you sit down to eat a meal.

Practice 2. Selective Attention: Every day, focus on one thing for a period of time (1, 5, 10, 15 minutes). It can be a simple task — responding to an email or text, talking with someone, taking a bite of food, walking. Focus, bring your attention to the task, stay with what you’re doing. Notice if there is a tendency to want to shift attention. When your attention does shift (and it will), kindly guide it back to the task at hand.

Practice 3: Notice Sensations in the Body: Our body is aware of things often before our consciousness is. So paying attention to sensations in the body is a way to connect to feelings, needs in the moment. Be aware of bodily sensations. Sensations can feel tight, warm, cool, pulsating, painful, pleasant, unpleasant. Notice, name it, allow it, let it go. You can identify a cue when you’re going to “tune in”, e.g., when you wake up in the morning, go to bed at night, get irritated or angry, sit down to eat, talk with a loved one, open your computer. As a result of what you notice, you may decide to take a walk, exercise, get some tea, redirect a conversation, rest. Listen with kind awareness.

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 Guided mindfulness practices on my Resources page.

3 Tips to Manage Stress

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Are you busy? Stressed? Burned out? Do you need a break?

The good news is you can learn to manage stress AND you can start exactly where you are. Here are 3  ways to calm the nervous system as you go about your day. Calm the brain and body so you can cultivate focus, connection, stress resilience, enabling you to handle the ups and downs with greater effectiveness.

Manage Stress in Everyday Activities

1. Waiting (in a long line or for a meeting to start): Feel your feet on the floor, the breath moving in and out of the body. Quietly, in your mind, send good wishes to someone around you. “May you be healthy and safe.”

2. Walking (in a store, at work, quickly, slowly): Feel your feet touching the ground as you walk. Lift a foot, move it forward, place it down. Feel the weight of the body shifting from foot to foot, the movement of the body in space, perhaps coordinating breath with movement.

3. Talking (with a friend, a family member, a colleague):  Give the gift of listening fully, with heart and mind. Notice when your attention wanders and bring it back to the person(s), as if you’re hearing what they have to say for the first time. Ask questions if unclear. If triggered or angered, take a few cycles of breath in and out before responding.

Try it! You don’t need any special gadgets or a lot of time. You can integrate mindfulness in the midst of your day. Take opportunities to pause, even as you’re moving!

OR take a minute to pause (yes, just one minute!) with this video. 

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Terre provides workshops to help teams and individuals manage work/life demands for optimal health and performance.

Kindness and Compassion

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Many people are in need at this time. From Texas to parts of India, Nepal, Bangladesh, Sierra Leone, and many places in between, there is massive flooding, loss of lives and homes.

Generosity is showing up from around the world in the form of donations, time, and various means of support, both large and small. That is the beauty in the midst of tragedy and suffering – people help without hesitation.

Simultaneously, there is deep human division, pain, and separation of another kind that is showing up here in the US and around the world. How do we see our common humanity amidst the political/human divide as well?

I don’t have the answer; however, I’m trying. I believe that action is required from all of us. Whatever that is for you, may it come from a place of loving kindness and compassion.

This does not mean complacency nor submission. But to be successful in our efforts to peacefully co-habitate this planet, I think we have to start from the roots – understanding our own fears, hopes, bias, anger. And perhaps we can extend that understanding to include all other humans. Perhaps a dialogue or an action follows with a family member, a neighbor, a politician.

I admit that I’m not there yet. It is difficult for me to have a calm conversation with someone who has extremely different political views than I do, values that are at the other end of the spectrum, values that feel oppressive. Rather than stay away from them, which is an option, how can I communicate more effectively, more openly?

I continue to return to acknowledging any fear, bias, anger in myself. And I pause to generate loving kindness – towards myself and others.

Loving Kindness Practice

Loving Kindness meditation is a tool I turn to.  In this practice, we’re cultivating an open and friendly connection towards ourselves and others. The intention is to offer good wishes and kindness by repeating some phrases quietly in our mind, such as, may you be healthy, may you be safe, may you live with ease, as you bring to mind different people, including yourself!

It’s a very old practice that now has research pointing to its benefits. Our brains change when we do loving kindness practices regularly. The practice increases positive emotions and decreases negative emotions, increasing life satisfaction.

I invite you to try my brief, 10-minute guided practice below.

May you be healthy and safe.

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